Moms are pretty special people. In my last post I thanked my brother and the part he has played in my life. Now I will focus on my Mom or Mama, as I have called her most of my life. She hates being called 'Mother' she says it sounds old. Anyway, Mama had a pretty tough job after Daddy passed away. He was the primary breadwinner in the family and he definitely was the disciplinarian of the family. My brother and I like everyone else were haunted when we were younger of threats like, "Wait till your Daddy gets home". YIKES! Mama hated disciplining so bad she would go to their bedroom whenever my brother and I got a spanking fram Dad. I think it hurt her feelings to see us get spanked.
So as you can imagine we were a little loss after Daddy died. But, let me tell you my little Mama grew into her little 5 foot frame pretty fast. The year after Daddy died we moved in with my Nannie and Papa for a year. We ended up moving after that first year. Before Daddy's death Mama and Daddy had already planned on moving, So Mama just completed what they had already planned and we moved into a double wide mobile home on a piece of land they had already picked out. Mama had a really hard time at first living by ourselves. At night she would get scared. I remember a couple of nights she would wake us up and we would go stay with Nannie and Papa because she was so terrified of being by herself. I think Papa finally set his foot down on that one and strongly encouraged Mama that she had to learn to be independent. So Mama became, Mama and Daddy. She didn't do too bad of a job. We had our very own home, a nice size piece of land, and Mama worked very hard to make the yard look good.
Financially things were a struggle for Mama. I remember she was looking for a job that would pay good enough. Night after night she practiced typing, this went on for several weeks as she tried to get her words-per-minute high enough to get most office jobs. She finally did get a better job but money was still tight. I remember we did not have much excess but we never went without. One Christmas I wanted a guitar and my brother wanted a keyboard. Mama was not able to go buy them brand new but she bought them from a local pawn shop and that was good enough for us. Our first bicycle, well we had to share it but it came from the same pawn shop. I remember for our 10th or 11th birthday party Mama told us we could have a birthday present or she would throw a party for us at the skating rink. So we chose the party. We had a great party with all of our family at the local skating rink. Another Christmas was pretty tight, Mama said we were either going to have a Christmas tree or Christmas presents and it was our choice. I think we decided on the tree but somehow Mama found the money to get a couple of small presents for us too. Even though things were strained I don't think it bothered my brother and I too much. I think we just knew it was different because Daddy was not around.
Sometimes, Mama had to be Daddy. For example when we would go fishing at the pond near by and catch small bass to bring home and clean. Mama would be the one that would have to go outside with us and make sure her two little bass pros were doing everything right. This had previously been Daddy's job. He was a very avid fisherman. Once Mama had to kill a snake that my brother and I found in her flower bed. Another job that usually fell on Daddy; Mama had to step up to the plate even though she is deathly horrified of snakes.
Things did get a little easier when Mama met Donnie. I think he helped her out some financially. I know for a fact he helped with Christmas. After Mama met Donnie we got gifts like a basketball goal, brand new 15 speed mountain bikes, new BB guns, and later 12 gauge shotguns. Of course later we ended up moving in with Donnie as I had mentioned in my first post. I do not agree with every decision my mama has made. But she was the only support we had growing up. She had very little support until Donnie. She did a great job anyway. I don't think she gives herself enough credit even today, for what she went through. Ever thing I have today, is in part owed to my mom. I know she does not feel that way. I would be nothing if it wasn't for her support and desire to give my brother and I a good life.
Thank you is just not enough or you Mama. I love you and hope that you are proud of who I am. And, I hope I continue to make you proud.
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Monday, January 31, 2005
Friday, January 28, 2005
People to Thank Thus Far in My Life
In my last post I wrote a biography up until the 22nd year of my life. I am currently 25, the next several post will concentrate on the people who have made me who I am today. After I finish discussing the people who have shaped me and are responsible for who I am. I will focus on the last two years of my life especially the entrepreneurial aspects of it. I think this is a good time to thank the various people who have influenced my life up to this point. This list is not necessarily in order from most important to least it is in order by who comes to mind first.
First of all I want to thank my twin brother. He has been my comrade and my wing man in life. He literally spent the first 19 years of my life with me. Most everything I wrote about in my biography he went through it with me. Imagine being trapped in the jungle of life, dense foliage, an unfamiliar territory. You are surrounded by unfriendly forces who have the intention of making life torturous if not impossible. You slowly start backing up for no apparent reason; I mean you want to run but there is nowhere to go you are surrounded. Backing up is merely a defensive mental tactic as you know you are likely to be backing up into danger. Just as you think that you feel a familiar presence as you feel something touch your back. You turn to realize there is another in this jungle with you. He has similar feelings, he has been somewhat frightened also. However, now you are literally touching back to back. You realize the impeccable odds have been evened up a bit. Even if it is just by one. You are no longer responsible for just yourself there is another being guarding your back who has vowed without words but through actions to defend your life with his very own. In turn you will now guard his life with yours. You will have a renewed confidence because now live or die, you will not be alone in this fight.
Now imagine that if through some difficult triumphs both of you have survived despite your opposing forces best efforts. The worst odds were defeated and today you can write your story for others to read. How would you feel about that person that was trapped in that jungle with you but fought valiantly side by side you; until you were both eventually survivors. How would you feel about that person? Would other be able to understand what you guys went through? Would it matter? Would you be there in the future if he ever needed you again? Could you thank him enough?
No! I could never thank him enough. There were times in my life that I felt as if I were in that jungle. My brother fought beside me, supported me, pushed me when I needed it, was willing to protect me no matter the cost. For that, I am forever thankful. I was fortunate to have a twin brother in life. I can remember the first time we had to separate, it was the morning he was leaving to go to basic training. He was still asleep and I went into his room to borrow a pair of socks as I was getting ready to go to class. I left the light out so he could continue to sleep. In the darkness he whispered my name and we had an exchange that went something like this.
My Brother: (whispering) Jackie?
Jackie: Yeah?
My Brother: (as his voice cracks a little) I just want you to know; I wish you could come with me.
Jackie: (my heart sank, but I had to be strong for him) I do too but, you are going to be ok.
My Brother: (with affirmation in his voice) I know I will be ok. I just would feel better if you could be there with me.
Jackie: I know me too. You just go ahead and get some sleep while you can.
My Brother: Ok (as I was walking out the door) Jackie?
Jackie: (turning back) What?
My Brother: I love you, bro.
Jackie: I love you too.
My macho twin brother never said, "I love you". However, since that day he has not had a problem saying it. Even though we have physically lived in different places ever since that morning. He would only have to say the word if he needed my help. I know the same is true for him as well. Thanks bro, for all that you have done for me and continue to do.
In my next post I will thank my Mom.
Be notified when I update my blog.
First of all I want to thank my twin brother. He has been my comrade and my wing man in life. He literally spent the first 19 years of my life with me. Most everything I wrote about in my biography he went through it with me. Imagine being trapped in the jungle of life, dense foliage, an unfamiliar territory. You are surrounded by unfriendly forces who have the intention of making life torturous if not impossible. You slowly start backing up for no apparent reason; I mean you want to run but there is nowhere to go you are surrounded. Backing up is merely a defensive mental tactic as you know you are likely to be backing up into danger. Just as you think that you feel a familiar presence as you feel something touch your back. You turn to realize there is another in this jungle with you. He has similar feelings, he has been somewhat frightened also. However, now you are literally touching back to back. You realize the impeccable odds have been evened up a bit. Even if it is just by one. You are no longer responsible for just yourself there is another being guarding your back who has vowed without words but through actions to defend your life with his very own. In turn you will now guard his life with yours. You will have a renewed confidence because now live or die, you will not be alone in this fight.
Now imagine that if through some difficult triumphs both of you have survived despite your opposing forces best efforts. The worst odds were defeated and today you can write your story for others to read. How would you feel about that person that was trapped in that jungle with you but fought valiantly side by side you; until you were both eventually survivors. How would you feel about that person? Would other be able to understand what you guys went through? Would it matter? Would you be there in the future if he ever needed you again? Could you thank him enough?
No! I could never thank him enough. There were times in my life that I felt as if I were in that jungle. My brother fought beside me, supported me, pushed me when I needed it, was willing to protect me no matter the cost. For that, I am forever thankful. I was fortunate to have a twin brother in life. I can remember the first time we had to separate, it was the morning he was leaving to go to basic training. He was still asleep and I went into his room to borrow a pair of socks as I was getting ready to go to class. I left the light out so he could continue to sleep. In the darkness he whispered my name and we had an exchange that went something like this.
My Brother: (whispering) Jackie?
Jackie: Yeah?
My Brother: (as his voice cracks a little) I just want you to know; I wish you could come with me.
Jackie: (my heart sank, but I had to be strong for him) I do too but, you are going to be ok.
My Brother: (with affirmation in his voice) I know I will be ok. I just would feel better if you could be there with me.
Jackie: I know me too. You just go ahead and get some sleep while you can.
My Brother: Ok (as I was walking out the door) Jackie?
Jackie: (turning back) What?
My Brother: I love you, bro.
Jackie: I love you too.
My macho twin brother never said, "I love you". However, since that day he has not had a problem saying it. Even though we have physically lived in different places ever since that morning. He would only have to say the word if he needed my help. I know the same is true for him as well. Thanks bro, for all that you have done for me and continue to do.
In my next post I will thank my Mom.
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Tuesday, January 11, 2005
My Biography
Hello,
My name is Jackie O'Quinn, I am currently 25 years old and live in Goldsboro N.C. With this first post I would like to do two things. First, I want to formally introduce myself and write a short biography. I want you to get a better idea of who I am, why I think the way I do, and where my motivation comes from. Also, by writing this blog I hope to track my success and failures as I strive to become a multi-millionaire tycoon. I hope you the reader will be able to gain encouragement, entertainment, and maybe even some thought provoking commentary by reading my post. You will have the opportunity to follow me day by day, watch my progression as well as my regression when I inevitably start procrastinating. Feel free to comment on each post anyway you choose. You can encourage me, admonish me for my mistakes, or just let me know that you agree with what I have to say.
"Wake up boys, get up, your daddy's sick" Mama said, as she quickly flicked on the light in our bedroom. My twin brother and I were only nine years and we shared a bed in our 15 year old single wide trailer. The year was 1988, date was October 31st a day that forever shaped the rest of my life. My brother and myself were trying to get our sleepy selves up. We really were in no real hurry, mama said that daddy was sick but ok so maybe he had a cold or something maybe he was vomiting wasn't sure but, whatever it was daddy it was probably no big deal. I mean daddy was never sick that I was aware of. Then I overheard my mom on the phone, she was having a conversation with my grandmother and the only thing that I remember hearing was she said, "Mama call Johnny (her brother who was a first responder) I think Edgar (daddy) is having a heart attack".
My brother and I were very close to my grandparents and we knew enough to know that they had several friends that had died because of "heart attacks". At that point we had the distinct urge to hurry up and get dressed. Mama came to the doorway of our room was frantically hurrying us. As we finished getting our clothes on she quickly escorted us into the living room in such a way so that she blocked us from looking down the hallway as it opened up into their bedroom and we could have seen dad. Mama sat our small bodies in a chair in the living room and said, "Boys, we have to pray for daddy"
She anxiously started repeating the Lord's Prayer, "Our father who art in heaven, hallow be thy name..." We started repeating with her, "....thy kingdom come, thy will be done, in earth as it is in heaven..." Mama was quickly walking through the house repeating the Lord's Prayer over and over. I watched her look in several cabinets with no apparent aim or focus in her search. A short while passed and the front door came open, it was my uncle Johnny with his medic bag and my aunt was right behind him. Mama quickly directed them to the bedroom where daddy was and our cousin who was 3 or 4 years older came over to the chair where we were sitting. My brother kept saying, "I want to see daddy". My cousin was hushing him saying, "Not right now, not right now". I heard my uncle talking on his radio, about that same time without warning or hesitation my brother jumped up and ran to the couch which gave him a direct view down the hall. My cousin yelled at him, "No! Come back over here"! She grabbed him and pulled him back. An ambulance came with a couple of paramedics my grandparents (Nannie and Papa) were behind them.
Mama, came to us and told us that we were going to Nannie's and Papa's house and that she would be there later to help us get ready for school. Apparently it was only 3:30 in the morning at that time. But we insisted that we did not want to go anywhere but to the hospital with daddy. I remember thinking,"But, Daddy's sick we have to go to the hospital". Papa encouraged us by saying something like, "You boys can just come to our house for a little while and your mama will come by for you later".
We went to Nannie's and Papa's, Papa, told us to go crawl in his bed and get some sleep. I remember that felt strange because I had never been in my Papa's bed. That the last thought I had that evening I woke up to the light peeking in through the mini blinds in Papa's room. My brother was beside me, I heard mama, she was in the kitchen whispering. I was wondering how daddy might be. About that time Mama called for us to wake up and come in the living room. As we went into the living room she was sitting on the edge of my Nannie's recliner with her knees together. She asked us to sit in front of her so she could talk with us. We were quickly asking, "How is daddy".
She said, "That is what I want to talk to you about". She asked that we sit down on the floor in front of her. What she said next, I think I have blocked it from my memory. Of all the details I remember many, I haven't written about here. I can not remember exactly how she said it, but she said something like, "Your daddy got sick, really sick, and he is in heaven now. He will not be with us any more".
DEATH
- An inevitable end?
- The final stage of growth?
- The last stage of life?
- A permanent end?
- A brief moment of separation?
I am now 25 years old and have lived my life up to this point, in part. Hoping that the decisions I've made and continue to make are decisions that my daddy would have been proud of.
Time went by and years passed. A couple of years after daddy passed away mama met a nice guy named Donnie. We didn't have much money when daddy was alive and we definitely had a lot less when he passed away as he was the primary breadwinner. Donnie was good to us (my brother and I) in the beginning. The first Christmas he was around he bought us a basket ball goal for Christmas. At that time, that was one of the nicest gifts we had ever received. Mama and Donnie began to see each other more and more. He bought an older house and remodeled it, despite what mama claimed anyone could see the writing on the wall. Shortly after his house was built we moved in with him.
Donnie is a tobacco farmer, and I quickly found out that working on the farm was no fun. I remember during high school we would wake up at 5:00 am to get the water coolers ready, the drink coolers ready, and set up the tables so that the hired help could get started sharply at 7:00 am with no time wasted. Then we would go inside and get dressed for school and run out in time to catch the bus. After school we had 30 minutes to get home. We were tentatively timed so that we wouldn't be taking our time and goofing off. When we got home we quickly changed clothes went to whatever field that the help was in and got to work. We usually finished up and got to in to eat around 8 or 9 o'clock took a shower and went to bed. Sometimes we were able to catch an hour of TV if we didn't have any homework.
The Summers were worse, we were woke up at 5:00 am and worked through the day had a small break in the morning about 10 minutes. Usually had a 30 minute lunch after we dropped the help off for their lunch hour we had to finish up at the barn and get the coolers ready before we went back to pick them up. We had another short break in the afternoon and then finished up around dark or a little after; which was about 9:00 pm in the Summer. Then we went inside took a bath/shower ate supper and went right to bed, just to know that we were going to wake up and do it all over again.
Life sucked in high school, we rarely had an opportunity to partake in extracurricular activities. We didn't date very much because we just weren't allowed to get out of work for those things. I remember this one time my brother had this girl he was talking to, her name was Angela she was a real nice person. It was Sunday and Valentine's Day fell on Monday. We didn't usually work a whole on Sunday but for whatever reason we were doing some work that Sunday afternoon. My brother kept asking as it got later if he could go Valentine's Day shopping before it got any later. He was threatened and told to be quiet or he wouldn't be going anywhere. At about 4:00 pm he asked again and he was told if he kept asking he wasn't going, no matter when we finished. Around 5:00 he boldly asked again and was told no. At probably 5:10 they told him fine he could go. Everything in town was going to be closed by 6:00 pm. He ran inside, took a quick shower by the time he got to town the only thing left open was the drug store. He ended up buying this ornamental clock made out of glass. It wasn't that great of a gift but it was the best he could do.
I remember about a year later he was no longer talking to Angela and her and I became friends. She was telling me about getting that clock and how odd of a gift it was. She started laughing about it as if it was a joke. I didn't see anything funny and I explained to her how much trouble he went through just to get her that clock.
Eventually, we graduated high school. I remember mama sat us down and told us with tears in her eyes, "This is the happiest day of my life. After your daddy died I didn't think I would ever see you boys graduate high school. I just didn't think I was going to make it. If something happened to me today, I have accomplished all I have wanted to accomplish in life."
That was 8 years ago. My brother went on to join the Air Force right after high school he is currently still serving proudly. I am very proud of him and who he has become. He is in his 3rd or 4th year of marriage (time flies). I have become a Registered Nurse. I had a friend in high school when I was a Senior who asked me one day what I was going to do after high school. I told him I was going to into the Air Force. He asked if I had thought about College. I told him yes but I just didn't think my mom could afford that. He encouraged me to look around at various scholarships. As I started looking I discovered that he was right and if I started looking maybe I would be able to find a way to pay for school. A couple of weeks after my friend who's name was Chris said, "Jackie what are you going to go to college for?" My response, "I don't know?"
I had so many interest. I had never really excelled in any one area. I had always been just an "average" student. Teachers had told me many times that I did not apply myself to my full potential. They were right and at that time, it sucked. I was looking for scholarships with grades barely on Par. I knew I could have done better in school; and in my Senior year I was wishing I had. My friend Chris came to me and said, "Jackie , let's go become doctors".
I said, "Chris I am not smart enough to become a doctor". Chris had been in honors classes, and AP classes throughout high school and overall made pretty good grades. Chris quickly told me that I was smart enough, and pointed out that he did not thing it matter how you grades had been through high school as long as you could get into college, then get accepted to pre-med, and then of course med school. Chris had said that college would be the true proving ground for myself academically. I did not have a better plan, so at that it sounded like a good idea to me. I was not sure how yet, but I had made up my mind that I was going to go to East Carolina University and become a physician. A few days later Chris came to me and said, "Jackie, I think I have decided to get my four year degree in Nursing instead of Biology".
My initial response was, "Screw that! ". Why would I want to become a nurse? However, the more I thought about it the more it made sense to me. I did not think Mama and her fiance (by now) would support me very much in college, especially for that length of time. So I figured I could go to school for nursing and if something came up I could always get a job as a nurse after my first two years or after my first four years. Then if I needed to, I thought I could find a way to support myself through nursing school. My thinking on this matter was a little premature and simplified but I did not realize that at the time. I went to Chris immediately and told him, "OK, I have decided; let's become RNs".
Then he says, "Well you know I have been thinking; let's just go to Wayne Community. " That was the local community college. I remember thinking, " He has lost his mind, I am trying to get away from home. However, once again after pondering it a little, it seemed to make sense. I mean mama most likely could afford to help me with Wayne Community College". Then once again after I could get my two year degree first, and help mama finish paying for the rest of my college. Once again this was a premature thought process but I didn't know any better at the time. Chris and I decided that we would meet up in nursing school at WCC. Prior to the summer I had filled out my application for Wayne. Of course I spent much of that summer working on the farm again. A few weeks before classes were to begin I had to go take the placement test; it was as if I was an inconvenience to mama and her fiance. They wanted to know how long it was going to take? When would I be back? ect., ect. I kept saying I did not know I had not done this before and had no way of knowing how long it would take. I was told to make sure that I hurried up because I was needed. It amazed me that I was always told I was needed but I never ever felt appreciated that I can remember.
None the less, I went that day to take the placement test. This test was suppose to test your entry levels into various classes. I know I scored pretty high on the English section but low on the Math protion. I was a little disappointed in myself for doing poorly on the Math protion. However, I was excited that I did not have to start at the bottom, I was able to skip a couple of Englishes and I completely tested out of the Reading classes. I remember when I told mama later that night how I had done it was kind of a mono-toned, "OK, good for you." It was as if she didn't care, she was more concerned about what I did or did not do on the farm that day". It had hurt my feelings a little, I remember being upset and thinking, "Couldn't you at least be proud of me for saving you some money since I tested out of a couple of classes?"
My first, two semesters I had been advised to just work on my academic credits especially the harder ones before I applied to nursing school. Just before my second year a career counselor had advised that I apply to nursing school. I did not think I was ready but she said I should apply just so my name will at least be in front of the review board. So I did, and I got in! I couldn't believe it. Well, I found out that getting in was the easy part. Actually graduating was the hard part. My first year of nursing school was difficult. Nursing is different from other curriculum in the two community college system. In Nursing you do not get to pick and choose your schedule like you do with other classes. The classes are only taught at certain times and there is only one class per semester; in other words they make your schedule for you and you obey. Class time is divided by clinical times which creates a busy schedule, few people are able to work a full time job and get through a Associate Degree in Nursing. I am told you actually have more contact time in an Associates Degree then you do in your first 2 years of a four year degree. My first semester was tough, they had my schedule at home and I was given one hour to get home after my last class ended or whenever I was scheduled to get out of clinicals. If class ran over or clinicals went a little longer I was expected to give an explanation when I got home. It didn't matter it was never good enough. I was expected to work on the farm after school until dark which was 8 or 9 o'clock depending on the time of year. This made studying almost unbearable, I never even got a chance to sit down and study until the very end of the day after I had ate and took a shower, I was so tired by the point. I remember one particular time when I was studying and I was awaken the next morning by mama coming in my room telling me it was time to get up; sometime after midnight I had literally fallen asleep with my book open and the lights on. I stayed there until she came in my room about 5:30am to make sure I was awake. Life sucked and my first semester was hard. I was barely a borderline student. If you make a "D" in nursing it is considered falling and nursing is on a 8 point system not a 10 point system. In other words 78 and below was failing, my mantra was " C is passing ". I barely got by the first semester, I was worried if I felled out I would never graduate and get away from the farm so that I could have a normal life. In my 2nd semester life became interesting. I remained a borderline student, however, at the end I fell below the bar of that 78. I don't remember what I had, I just remember it came down to that final exam and I ended up failing the class. I was devastated! I didn't know what I was going to do.
A couple of weeks before, I was with one of my friends at his girlfriends house. I remember we were all sitting in the living room just chatting. Her mom was a nurse and when she found out I was a nursing student she wanted to know how I was doing in school. At the time, I knew I was in danger of failing out. I told her I was doing bad. She had asked me what was the problem. My friend spoke up and told her my was expected to be slave at home. I thought that was a little exaggerated but I knew what he meant. To make a long story short, she ended up asking me if I wanted to move in with them. She had told me they had plenty of room that their youngest child of three always slept in their bedroom anyway and I could use her room for awhile. My friend's girlfriend was explaining to her mother that if I failed out I would have to wait a full year before I could reapply to the school and then I would have a year and a half before I graduated. I remember she just responded well that may still work I will just have to talk with your dad first. I was thinking, WOW, I don't even know this women or this family and she is offering to let a complete stranger live here. Nothing else was really said that day, then when I did flunk out I paid them a visit. I had been thinking that there was no way in hell I was going to be able to finish Nursing school living on the farm, it just could not happen. I flunked out of the 2nd semester and there were a total of 5 semesters and they only got progressively harder. I remember it was a Saturday night when I went back to the Palumbo's that was there last name. I talked to Mrs. Palumbo and I asked her, "Were you serious about letting live here?"
She told me that she was but that she still had not talked to her husband. I sat in the kitchen while they talked in the garage. I was very anxious, and a little scared. I did not know these people from Adam. I did not know this family. I was not sure if I was making the right move or not, I just knew I had to do something different. After was seemed like forever they told me to come to the garage. I was told that they were going to let me move in. I would not be required to pay rent, I would have to work enough part time hours to pay for my car insurance, school tuition, health insurance, gas, and any other personal expenses. I would be allowed to eat what ever was available in the house and I would be required to help the oldest 2 children with the choirs in the house (that was a breeze since it usually just involved cleaning one bath room or vacuuming the house). I remember, I was excited but scared to death at the same time. It was decided that I would move in that following Friday. I told mom that I was moving out, she said that she couldn't stop me but and she insisted on knowing where I was going. I told her but she really didn't believe me; I don't think she thought I was serious at first. That Thursday night mama was out of town on business and I packed every stick of clothing I had in my 1988 I-Mark Isuzu basically everything I owned was in there. That morning mama was home, she got in late the night before. As I was about to leave she started crying; I don't think she thought I was serious up until that point. I was tearing up, I was scared to death/horrified. I hugged her told her bye and that I loved her. Her fiance was sitting on the couch pretending to read the paper from the day before when I told him bye, he didn't even make eye contact. I got in my car and left. I barely had room to put the car in drive, because my clothes were packed into that tiny subcompact vehicle. As I pulled off, I really started crying. I didn't know exactly what laid ahead but I definitely knew my life had just changed. I was not mad or upset at my mother personally, I felt that she had always made the best decisions possible after daddy died. However, I did not think all of her decisions were right but they were the best decision she was capable of making at that time.
So that day I moved in with the Palumbo's. Life was pretty different from then on. I have to admit it was strange and even a little crazy at times. The family dynamics were so much different than what I was use to. Sometimes I would complain but I really didn't have much to complain about because that environment still enabled me to get to school. I ended up living with the Palumbo's for 3 years. I don't think I will ever be able to repay them for their generosity. While I was living there I ended up failing out of school once more believe it or not. I had reapplied and got back in the fall after I failed the first time. I remained a borderline student throughout my 2nd admission to nursing school. I kept my head above water on my 2nd admission to nursing school until my 4th semester, that was the second to last semester before graduation. I had been a borderline class room student and my clinical instructor felt that I was not "strong" enough to move on, clinically. So I failed out again. I was very disappointed and somewhat discouraged. Now I felt that my room and board was threatened; part of the deal that I had with the Palumbo's was that I had to do well in school to stay there. I was pretty scared. I really did not know what to do. I fully expected to be homeless when they found out that I was failed out. I immediately started looking for places to reapply for nursing. Wayne Community College had a 2 admissions policy in the nursing program that meant that I would not be able to apply there for a 3rd time. I was so close to graduating I could taste it. I had learned so much, if I would have stopped then, all of that knowledge I had acquired from hours of studying would have been wasted. You can't do anything without a degree. I would have just been a very intelligent nursing assistant.
I remember, I called mama one day a little scared and nervous and asked her if I could move into the double wide that she still owned. It was the same place we were living prior to her meeting her fiance. There was no one living there it was completely vacant. I offered to pay what ever rent I could and promised her that I would keep a tally of how much I owed her so that once I graduated I would make payments to her until she was paid off. This would have benefited her in 2 ways; she would have had someone living there keeping the place up and she would have had the potential of earning some extra money. I remember she said, "Jackie, I don't know. Let me think about it". That was four years ago. To my knowledge she is still thinking about it. That double wide is still vacant. At that point I had not yet told the Palumbo's yet. However, I told them the next day. No one said much I was pretty nervous. I told them that I had already looked at reapplying at another school; and that I had spoke with the department head about starting to school over there.
During this same time it was Christmas time (what a Christmas). I had went to my Nannie's and my brother asked me to step out side with him. He had asked how school was, I told him I had failed out; I think he already knew. He asked what my plans were. I told him I was reapplying in Wilson which was about 45 minutes away. He wanted to know what my living arrangements were and I told him I still didn't know, I thought the Palumbo's were going to kick me out. He asked, "How are you going to go to nursing school and work full time to support yourself?" I told him I didn't know, but I did not know what else to do at the time and that I felt that I had to try and get back into school. After I said that he offered to let me come and move in with him and his wife. They lived about an hour from where I was at the time. I would not have been able to attend Wilson Community College but, I did not have to pay rent and they would do whatever they could to help me graduate. I was blown away by his generosity, I mean he was still a newlywed having only been married for a few months, I would have been seriously imposing if you know what I mean?
But, I didn't have to move in with him. A couple of days after our conversation I sat down with Mrs. Palumbo for a heart to heart. She did most of the talking. I was told that she respected me for reapplying to another nursing school and not giving up on school. She admired that, and did not know if she would be able to have done that if the roles had been reversed. I was told that I had to sleep in the living room on the couch/hideaway sofa. That way their youngest daughter could start sleeping in her own room again she was 6 years old now. So I moved most of my clothes and belongings to their attic and a closet that was in the living room. So basically I was sleeping on their sofa and living out of their front closet. But that was fine with me. I was still going to be able to attend school and have a place to stay. I reapplied and was accepted to Wilson Community College. Prior to starting school I had to think hard about my future. If I was going to succeed I was going to have to try hard, prepare even harder, and stay committed to my school work and clinical preparations. Since I was going to Wilson I had a 45 to 50 minute drive one way to school instead of a 5 minute drive. On clinical days I had to be at the hospital no later than 6:30 am. I was there every morning at about 6:00 am, everyone morning but two that I can remember. Life outside of nursing almost did not exist, I ate, slept, and breathed nursing. If I wasn't studying, I usually felt guilty for not studying. If I went out at all on the weekend (which didn't happen much) I felt guilty thinking I should be studying.
I finally graduated nursing school in May 2002. I didn't get through Wilson completely unscathed. I was the target of unfair favoritism by a part time instructor; after this was proven she did not get her contract renewed. I was later told that I had been the target of jealousy from some of my classmates. Most of this I never realized because I had been so focused on graduation and my goals I did not see what was happening around me most of the time. This is the conclusion of my Biography from birth to 22 years old. After I graduated nursing I was able to focus more on my entrepreneurial instincts. More about this in later post.
Jackie O'Quinn
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My name is Jackie O'Quinn, I am currently 25 years old and live in Goldsboro N.C. With this first post I would like to do two things. First, I want to formally introduce myself and write a short biography. I want you to get a better idea of who I am, why I think the way I do, and where my motivation comes from. Also, by writing this blog I hope to track my success and failures as I strive to become a multi-millionaire tycoon. I hope you the reader will be able to gain encouragement, entertainment, and maybe even some thought provoking commentary by reading my post. You will have the opportunity to follow me day by day, watch my progression as well as my regression when I inevitably start procrastinating. Feel free to comment on each post anyway you choose. You can encourage me, admonish me for my mistakes, or just let me know that you agree with what I have to say.
"Wake up boys, get up, your daddy's sick" Mama said, as she quickly flicked on the light in our bedroom. My twin brother and I were only nine years and we shared a bed in our 15 year old single wide trailer. The year was 1988, date was October 31st a day that forever shaped the rest of my life. My brother and myself were trying to get our sleepy selves up. We really were in no real hurry, mama said that daddy was sick but ok so maybe he had a cold or something maybe he was vomiting wasn't sure but, whatever it was daddy it was probably no big deal. I mean daddy was never sick that I was aware of. Then I overheard my mom on the phone, she was having a conversation with my grandmother and the only thing that I remember hearing was she said, "Mama call Johnny (her brother who was a first responder) I think Edgar (daddy) is having a heart attack".
My brother and I were very close to my grandparents and we knew enough to know that they had several friends that had died because of "heart attacks". At that point we had the distinct urge to hurry up and get dressed. Mama came to the doorway of our room was frantically hurrying us. As we finished getting our clothes on she quickly escorted us into the living room in such a way so that she blocked us from looking down the hallway as it opened up into their bedroom and we could have seen dad. Mama sat our small bodies in a chair in the living room and said, "Boys, we have to pray for daddy"
She anxiously started repeating the Lord's Prayer, "Our father who art in heaven, hallow be thy name..." We started repeating with her, "....thy kingdom come, thy will be done, in earth as it is in heaven..." Mama was quickly walking through the house repeating the Lord's Prayer over and over. I watched her look in several cabinets with no apparent aim or focus in her search. A short while passed and the front door came open, it was my uncle Johnny with his medic bag and my aunt was right behind him. Mama quickly directed them to the bedroom where daddy was and our cousin who was 3 or 4 years older came over to the chair where we were sitting. My brother kept saying, "I want to see daddy". My cousin was hushing him saying, "Not right now, not right now". I heard my uncle talking on his radio, about that same time without warning or hesitation my brother jumped up and ran to the couch which gave him a direct view down the hall. My cousin yelled at him, "No! Come back over here"! She grabbed him and pulled him back. An ambulance came with a couple of paramedics my grandparents (Nannie and Papa) were behind them.
Mama, came to us and told us that we were going to Nannie's and Papa's house and that she would be there later to help us get ready for school. Apparently it was only 3:30 in the morning at that time. But we insisted that we did not want to go anywhere but to the hospital with daddy. I remember thinking,"But, Daddy's sick we have to go to the hospital". Papa encouraged us by saying something like, "You boys can just come to our house for a little while and your mama will come by for you later".
We went to Nannie's and Papa's, Papa, told us to go crawl in his bed and get some sleep. I remember that felt strange because I had never been in my Papa's bed. That the last thought I had that evening I woke up to the light peeking in through the mini blinds in Papa's room. My brother was beside me, I heard mama, she was in the kitchen whispering. I was wondering how daddy might be. About that time Mama called for us to wake up and come in the living room. As we went into the living room she was sitting on the edge of my Nannie's recliner with her knees together. She asked us to sit in front of her so she could talk with us. We were quickly asking, "How is daddy".
She said, "That is what I want to talk to you about". She asked that we sit down on the floor in front of her. What she said next, I think I have blocked it from my memory. Of all the details I remember many, I haven't written about here. I can not remember exactly how she said it, but she said something like, "Your daddy got sick, really sick, and he is in heaven now. He will not be with us any more".
DEATH
- An inevitable end?
- The final stage of growth?
- The last stage of life?
- A permanent end?
- A brief moment of separation?
I am now 25 years old and have lived my life up to this point, in part. Hoping that the decisions I've made and continue to make are decisions that my daddy would have been proud of.
Time went by and years passed. A couple of years after daddy passed away mama met a nice guy named Donnie. We didn't have much money when daddy was alive and we definitely had a lot less when he passed away as he was the primary breadwinner. Donnie was good to us (my brother and I) in the beginning. The first Christmas he was around he bought us a basket ball goal for Christmas. At that time, that was one of the nicest gifts we had ever received. Mama and Donnie began to see each other more and more. He bought an older house and remodeled it, despite what mama claimed anyone could see the writing on the wall. Shortly after his house was built we moved in with him.
Donnie is a tobacco farmer, and I quickly found out that working on the farm was no fun. I remember during high school we would wake up at 5:00 am to get the water coolers ready, the drink coolers ready, and set up the tables so that the hired help could get started sharply at 7:00 am with no time wasted. Then we would go inside and get dressed for school and run out in time to catch the bus. After school we had 30 minutes to get home. We were tentatively timed so that we wouldn't be taking our time and goofing off. When we got home we quickly changed clothes went to whatever field that the help was in and got to work. We usually finished up and got to in to eat around 8 or 9 o'clock took a shower and went to bed. Sometimes we were able to catch an hour of TV if we didn't have any homework.
The Summers were worse, we were woke up at 5:00 am and worked through the day had a small break in the morning about 10 minutes. Usually had a 30 minute lunch after we dropped the help off for their lunch hour we had to finish up at the barn and get the coolers ready before we went back to pick them up. We had another short break in the afternoon and then finished up around dark or a little after; which was about 9:00 pm in the Summer. Then we went inside took a bath/shower ate supper and went right to bed, just to know that we were going to wake up and do it all over again.
Life sucked in high school, we rarely had an opportunity to partake in extracurricular activities. We didn't date very much because we just weren't allowed to get out of work for those things. I remember this one time my brother had this girl he was talking to, her name was Angela she was a real nice person. It was Sunday and Valentine's Day fell on Monday. We didn't usually work a whole on Sunday but for whatever reason we were doing some work that Sunday afternoon. My brother kept asking as it got later if he could go Valentine's Day shopping before it got any later. He was threatened and told to be quiet or he wouldn't be going anywhere. At about 4:00 pm he asked again and he was told if he kept asking he wasn't going, no matter when we finished. Around 5:00 he boldly asked again and was told no. At probably 5:10 they told him fine he could go. Everything in town was going to be closed by 6:00 pm. He ran inside, took a quick shower by the time he got to town the only thing left open was the drug store. He ended up buying this ornamental clock made out of glass. It wasn't that great of a gift but it was the best he could do.
I remember about a year later he was no longer talking to Angela and her and I became friends. She was telling me about getting that clock and how odd of a gift it was. She started laughing about it as if it was a joke. I didn't see anything funny and I explained to her how much trouble he went through just to get her that clock.
Eventually, we graduated high school. I remember mama sat us down and told us with tears in her eyes, "This is the happiest day of my life. After your daddy died I didn't think I would ever see you boys graduate high school. I just didn't think I was going to make it. If something happened to me today, I have accomplished all I have wanted to accomplish in life."
That was 8 years ago. My brother went on to join the Air Force right after high school he is currently still serving proudly. I am very proud of him and who he has become. He is in his 3rd or 4th year of marriage (time flies). I have become a Registered Nurse. I had a friend in high school when I was a Senior who asked me one day what I was going to do after high school. I told him I was going to into the Air Force. He asked if I had thought about College. I told him yes but I just didn't think my mom could afford that. He encouraged me to look around at various scholarships. As I started looking I discovered that he was right and if I started looking maybe I would be able to find a way to pay for school. A couple of weeks after my friend who's name was Chris said, "Jackie what are you going to go to college for?" My response, "I don't know?"
I had so many interest. I had never really excelled in any one area. I had always been just an "average" student. Teachers had told me many times that I did not apply myself to my full potential. They were right and at that time, it sucked. I was looking for scholarships with grades barely on Par. I knew I could have done better in school; and in my Senior year I was wishing I had. My friend Chris came to me and said, "Jackie , let's go become doctors".
I said, "Chris I am not smart enough to become a doctor". Chris had been in honors classes, and AP classes throughout high school and overall made pretty good grades. Chris quickly told me that I was smart enough, and pointed out that he did not thing it matter how you grades had been through high school as long as you could get into college, then get accepted to pre-med, and then of course med school. Chris had said that college would be the true proving ground for myself academically. I did not have a better plan, so at that it sounded like a good idea to me. I was not sure how yet, but I had made up my mind that I was going to go to East Carolina University and become a physician. A few days later Chris came to me and said, "Jackie, I think I have decided to get my four year degree in Nursing instead of Biology".
My initial response was, "Screw that! ". Why would I want to become a nurse? However, the more I thought about it the more it made sense to me. I did not think Mama and her fiance (by now) would support me very much in college, especially for that length of time. So I figured I could go to school for nursing and if something came up I could always get a job as a nurse after my first two years or after my first four years. Then if I needed to, I thought I could find a way to support myself through nursing school. My thinking on this matter was a little premature and simplified but I did not realize that at the time. I went to Chris immediately and told him, "OK, I have decided; let's become RNs".
Then he says, "Well you know I have been thinking; let's just go to Wayne Community. " That was the local community college. I remember thinking, " He has lost his mind, I am trying to get away from home. However, once again after pondering it a little, it seemed to make sense. I mean mama most likely could afford to help me with Wayne Community College". Then once again after I could get my two year degree first, and help mama finish paying for the rest of my college. Once again this was a premature thought process but I didn't know any better at the time. Chris and I decided that we would meet up in nursing school at WCC. Prior to the summer I had filled out my application for Wayne. Of course I spent much of that summer working on the farm again. A few weeks before classes were to begin I had to go take the placement test; it was as if I was an inconvenience to mama and her fiance. They wanted to know how long it was going to take? When would I be back? ect., ect. I kept saying I did not know I had not done this before and had no way of knowing how long it would take. I was told to make sure that I hurried up because I was needed. It amazed me that I was always told I was needed but I never ever felt appreciated that I can remember.
None the less, I went that day to take the placement test. This test was suppose to test your entry levels into various classes. I know I scored pretty high on the English section but low on the Math protion. I was a little disappointed in myself for doing poorly on the Math protion. However, I was excited that I did not have to start at the bottom, I was able to skip a couple of Englishes and I completely tested out of the Reading classes. I remember when I told mama later that night how I had done it was kind of a mono-toned, "OK, good for you." It was as if she didn't care, she was more concerned about what I did or did not do on the farm that day". It had hurt my feelings a little, I remember being upset and thinking, "Couldn't you at least be proud of me for saving you some money since I tested out of a couple of classes?"
My first, two semesters I had been advised to just work on my academic credits especially the harder ones before I applied to nursing school. Just before my second year a career counselor had advised that I apply to nursing school. I did not think I was ready but she said I should apply just so my name will at least be in front of the review board. So I did, and I got in! I couldn't believe it. Well, I found out that getting in was the easy part. Actually graduating was the hard part. My first year of nursing school was difficult. Nursing is different from other curriculum in the two community college system. In Nursing you do not get to pick and choose your schedule like you do with other classes. The classes are only taught at certain times and there is only one class per semester; in other words they make your schedule for you and you obey. Class time is divided by clinical times which creates a busy schedule, few people are able to work a full time job and get through a Associate Degree in Nursing. I am told you actually have more contact time in an Associates Degree then you do in your first 2 years of a four year degree. My first semester was tough, they had my schedule at home and I was given one hour to get home after my last class ended or whenever I was scheduled to get out of clinicals. If class ran over or clinicals went a little longer I was expected to give an explanation when I got home. It didn't matter it was never good enough. I was expected to work on the farm after school until dark which was 8 or 9 o'clock depending on the time of year. This made studying almost unbearable, I never even got a chance to sit down and study until the very end of the day after I had ate and took a shower, I was so tired by the point. I remember one particular time when I was studying and I was awaken the next morning by mama coming in my room telling me it was time to get up; sometime after midnight I had literally fallen asleep with my book open and the lights on. I stayed there until she came in my room about 5:30am to make sure I was awake. Life sucked and my first semester was hard. I was barely a borderline student. If you make a "D" in nursing it is considered falling and nursing is on a 8 point system not a 10 point system. In other words 78 and below was failing, my mantra was " C is passing ". I barely got by the first semester, I was worried if I felled out I would never graduate and get away from the farm so that I could have a normal life. In my 2nd semester life became interesting. I remained a borderline student, however, at the end I fell below the bar of that 78. I don't remember what I had, I just remember it came down to that final exam and I ended up failing the class. I was devastated! I didn't know what I was going to do.
A couple of weeks before, I was with one of my friends at his girlfriends house. I remember we were all sitting in the living room just chatting. Her mom was a nurse and when she found out I was a nursing student she wanted to know how I was doing in school. At the time, I knew I was in danger of failing out. I told her I was doing bad. She had asked me what was the problem. My friend spoke up and told her my was expected to be slave at home. I thought that was a little exaggerated but I knew what he meant. To make a long story short, she ended up asking me if I wanted to move in with them. She had told me they had plenty of room that their youngest child of three always slept in their bedroom anyway and I could use her room for awhile. My friend's girlfriend was explaining to her mother that if I failed out I would have to wait a full year before I could reapply to the school and then I would have a year and a half before I graduated. I remember she just responded well that may still work I will just have to talk with your dad first. I was thinking, WOW, I don't even know this women or this family and she is offering to let a complete stranger live here. Nothing else was really said that day, then when I did flunk out I paid them a visit. I had been thinking that there was no way in hell I was going to be able to finish Nursing school living on the farm, it just could not happen. I flunked out of the 2nd semester and there were a total of 5 semesters and they only got progressively harder. I remember it was a Saturday night when I went back to the Palumbo's that was there last name. I talked to Mrs. Palumbo and I asked her, "Were you serious about letting live here?"
She told me that she was but that she still had not talked to her husband. I sat in the kitchen while they talked in the garage. I was very anxious, and a little scared. I did not know these people from Adam. I did not know this family. I was not sure if I was making the right move or not, I just knew I had to do something different. After was seemed like forever they told me to come to the garage. I was told that they were going to let me move in. I would not be required to pay rent, I would have to work enough part time hours to pay for my car insurance, school tuition, health insurance, gas, and any other personal expenses. I would be allowed to eat what ever was available in the house and I would be required to help the oldest 2 children with the choirs in the house (that was a breeze since it usually just involved cleaning one bath room or vacuuming the house). I remember, I was excited but scared to death at the same time. It was decided that I would move in that following Friday. I told mom that I was moving out, she said that she couldn't stop me but and she insisted on knowing where I was going. I told her but she really didn't believe me; I don't think she thought I was serious at first. That Thursday night mama was out of town on business and I packed every stick of clothing I had in my 1988 I-Mark Isuzu basically everything I owned was in there. That morning mama was home, she got in late the night before. As I was about to leave she started crying; I don't think she thought I was serious up until that point. I was tearing up, I was scared to death/horrified. I hugged her told her bye and that I loved her. Her fiance was sitting on the couch pretending to read the paper from the day before when I told him bye, he didn't even make eye contact. I got in my car and left. I barely had room to put the car in drive, because my clothes were packed into that tiny subcompact vehicle. As I pulled off, I really started crying. I didn't know exactly what laid ahead but I definitely knew my life had just changed. I was not mad or upset at my mother personally, I felt that she had always made the best decisions possible after daddy died. However, I did not think all of her decisions were right but they were the best decision she was capable of making at that time.
So that day I moved in with the Palumbo's. Life was pretty different from then on. I have to admit it was strange and even a little crazy at times. The family dynamics were so much different than what I was use to. Sometimes I would complain but I really didn't have much to complain about because that environment still enabled me to get to school. I ended up living with the Palumbo's for 3 years. I don't think I will ever be able to repay them for their generosity. While I was living there I ended up failing out of school once more believe it or not. I had reapplied and got back in the fall after I failed the first time. I remained a borderline student throughout my 2nd admission to nursing school. I kept my head above water on my 2nd admission to nursing school until my 4th semester, that was the second to last semester before graduation. I had been a borderline class room student and my clinical instructor felt that I was not "strong" enough to move on, clinically. So I failed out again. I was very disappointed and somewhat discouraged. Now I felt that my room and board was threatened; part of the deal that I had with the Palumbo's was that I had to do well in school to stay there. I was pretty scared. I really did not know what to do. I fully expected to be homeless when they found out that I was failed out. I immediately started looking for places to reapply for nursing. Wayne Community College had a 2 admissions policy in the nursing program that meant that I would not be able to apply there for a 3rd time. I was so close to graduating I could taste it. I had learned so much, if I would have stopped then, all of that knowledge I had acquired from hours of studying would have been wasted. You can't do anything without a degree. I would have just been a very intelligent nursing assistant.
I remember, I called mama one day a little scared and nervous and asked her if I could move into the double wide that she still owned. It was the same place we were living prior to her meeting her fiance. There was no one living there it was completely vacant. I offered to pay what ever rent I could and promised her that I would keep a tally of how much I owed her so that once I graduated I would make payments to her until she was paid off. This would have benefited her in 2 ways; she would have had someone living there keeping the place up and she would have had the potential of earning some extra money. I remember she said, "Jackie, I don't know. Let me think about it". That was four years ago. To my knowledge she is still thinking about it. That double wide is still vacant. At that point I had not yet told the Palumbo's yet. However, I told them the next day. No one said much I was pretty nervous. I told them that I had already looked at reapplying at another school; and that I had spoke with the department head about starting to school over there.
During this same time it was Christmas time (what a Christmas). I had went to my Nannie's and my brother asked me to step out side with him. He had asked how school was, I told him I had failed out; I think he already knew. He asked what my plans were. I told him I was reapplying in Wilson which was about 45 minutes away. He wanted to know what my living arrangements were and I told him I still didn't know, I thought the Palumbo's were going to kick me out. He asked, "How are you going to go to nursing school and work full time to support yourself?" I told him I didn't know, but I did not know what else to do at the time and that I felt that I had to try and get back into school. After I said that he offered to let me come and move in with him and his wife. They lived about an hour from where I was at the time. I would not have been able to attend Wilson Community College but, I did not have to pay rent and they would do whatever they could to help me graduate. I was blown away by his generosity, I mean he was still a newlywed having only been married for a few months, I would have been seriously imposing if you know what I mean?
But, I didn't have to move in with him. A couple of days after our conversation I sat down with Mrs. Palumbo for a heart to heart. She did most of the talking. I was told that she respected me for reapplying to another nursing school and not giving up on school. She admired that, and did not know if she would be able to have done that if the roles had been reversed. I was told that I had to sleep in the living room on the couch/hideaway sofa. That way their youngest daughter could start sleeping in her own room again she was 6 years old now. So I moved most of my clothes and belongings to their attic and a closet that was in the living room. So basically I was sleeping on their sofa and living out of their front closet. But that was fine with me. I was still going to be able to attend school and have a place to stay. I reapplied and was accepted to Wilson Community College. Prior to starting school I had to think hard about my future. If I was going to succeed I was going to have to try hard, prepare even harder, and stay committed to my school work and clinical preparations. Since I was going to Wilson I had a 45 to 50 minute drive one way to school instead of a 5 minute drive. On clinical days I had to be at the hospital no later than 6:30 am. I was there every morning at about 6:00 am, everyone morning but two that I can remember. Life outside of nursing almost did not exist, I ate, slept, and breathed nursing. If I wasn't studying, I usually felt guilty for not studying. If I went out at all on the weekend (which didn't happen much) I felt guilty thinking I should be studying.
I finally graduated nursing school in May 2002. I didn't get through Wilson completely unscathed. I was the target of unfair favoritism by a part time instructor; after this was proven she did not get her contract renewed. I was later told that I had been the target of jealousy from some of my classmates. Most of this I never realized because I had been so focused on graduation and my goals I did not see what was happening around me most of the time. This is the conclusion of my Biography from birth to 22 years old. After I graduated nursing I was able to focus more on my entrepreneurial instincts. More about this in later post.
Jackie O'Quinn
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